Extinguishing the Fire Extinguishers

Fr. Matthew and the St. Isidore Youth Delegate team represented our parish at the National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis. In this newsletter series, our youth share reflections on their encounter with Christ in the Eucharist.

During my time in Indianapolis, I was blessed with so many graces and unforgettable, life-changing experiences. One especially stood out to me. Fr. Mike Schmitz said, “The road to love is repentance, and without repentance, there is no revival.” He also asked us, “If Jesus is the fire in my life, then what are the fire extinguishers?” That night during reflection, I could not stop thinking about these words. When I got back to my hotel room, I decided that I wanted to extinguish all the extinguishers. I have never felt so sure of something that I’ve wanted to do. I got my journal out, queued up my Congress playlist, and started doing an examination of conscience. I had been wanting to go to confession for a while, but this was different. I felt that I needed to go. I realized how this was hurting my relationship with Jesus. I thought to myself, “Why would I want to do this to God? The guy who made everything in the universe. The tallest mountains and the deepest seas. My God who still wants to have a personal relationship with this random 15-year-old?”

While I was praying and contemplating my life, the song “Refine Me” by Jennifer Knapp started playing. I broke down and started crying. At that point, I realized the weight of my sin and how dependent I am on God because I am just a human who messes up every day. As much as I felt sorry for my sins, I also became aware of the depth of Jesus’ mercy for me. I could feel the Holy Spirit with me, and as distraught as I was, I was also at peace, thanking God for this experience.

The next day, I had a life changing experience at confession. As nervous as I was, I was ready to get everything off of me. I prayed to God, asking for an open heart and to be able to be completely honest. As I sat down, I took a deep breath and began. This confession was very different than what I was used to. The priest was really listening and there was absolutely no judgment. I would say a few sins and the priest would stop me and have a little talk about them instead of waiting until the very end. In one of the mini-chats, he asked me, “I can see that you want a relationship with God, but why is that even important to you? Why does it matter?” That had never crossed my mind before. I have always strived in life to have a real relationship with God but never thought about why. It also got me thinking why does God want a relationship with me? Why has God called me and what is my purpose in life? I am still contemplating this question, but it has helped me be more willing to do God’s will.

If I am to leave you with one thing, it would be this: In order for a revival to happen, we first need to repent and revive ourselves through confession and through God’s mercy. He is waiting for us with open arms, excited to mend the relationship we have with Him, so we can help others mend theirs as well. But we have to be willing to empty ourselves so He can fill us up with the tools to love and evangelize.

In order for a revival to happen, we first need to repent and revive ourselves through confession and through God’s mercy.

—Antonia, St. Isidore parishioner and high school sophomore